Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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