One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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