Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
