U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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