you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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