I'm jealous of your bromance
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
