youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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