I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
