DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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