Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
its liver damage thursday
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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