Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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