I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
His nipple licking is glorious
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