i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
