Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
