Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
