Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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