Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You can't special order awesome
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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