you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
