My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
