The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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