when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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