One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
