He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
