3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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