Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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