I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
