I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
