dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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