So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
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woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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