What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
