Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
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No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
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They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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