I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
