So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
