I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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