you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
