Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
