those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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