your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
