I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
