Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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