I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
