I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
