I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
