I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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