I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
