Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We need to get me chipped asap
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
