Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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