apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
