T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
