I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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