So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
