She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
