If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
