Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
