the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
