i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
