I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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