my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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