If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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