As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
