ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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