you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
