Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
