So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
