My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
