Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
