Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
