god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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