I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
