FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
