My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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