dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
