PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
