How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
