So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize